My idol of the day is PROCRASTINATION.
Why am I writing this at 2:16 am on 2 Feb 2014? I dunno. The Holy Spirit said it was time. So be it. Besides, I have a thing about the time..numbers to be exact. so, on 2-2-14…mathematically..2×2=4, 4×1=4, so it all works out for the OCD’ers like me.
I have to admit, I stress out over writing on this blog. I cannot understand that anyone gets anything out of reading what is going on in my head. But, I am blessed to be in this group of God Fearing women, who are my friends, truly, my friends. I love them, and would give my life for them at a drop of a hat.
I have been planning on blogging for month’s now. But, I am one of those people who likes to start things on the FIRST. For example, the first of the week, the first of the month..you get the idea. Well, I found this wonderfully inspirational book called “My All in ALL, a daily devotional, with 365 days worth of inspiration. I have been talking with my sisters here about it since well before the new year.
But, being a major procrastinator, I missed the first day of the year. So, then I missed the first of the week..and then yesterday, the first of ANOTHER month, I missed it too. Grrrr. But..something wonderful has occurred to me.
It began after a fretful night of sleeping (guilty feelings about not blogging weaving in and out of my dreams), and the following verse was on my mind when I woke up: Lamentations 3 V 23, “They (the LORD’s mercies) are new every morning..” What a revelation to me. I grew up hearing “Today is the first day of the rest of your life,” but I had never really thought about it, nor applied it to my life. There is truly nothing we can do about yesterday-that day is in the past-today is the present, and we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow.
ALL we have is today. We are not promised a tomorrow. Actually,the Bible warns us several times not to “count” on tomorrow. Proverbs 27 V 1: “DO NOT boast of tomorrow, for you know not what a day will bring forth.” James 4 V 14-15: “Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what may happen tomorrow. What is the nature of your life? You are [really] but a wisp of vapor (a puff of smoke, a mist) that is visible for a little while then disappears [into thin air]. v15 You ought instead say, If the LORD is willing, we shall live and we shall do this or that [thing].”
Today, is a gift. Today, I am having a wonderful time writing this, my heart filled with bliss. I am content in the fact that TODAY will be like no other. Today is unique. Today, I write on my blog page, and hope someone reads it, but even if it goes unread, I will have expressed the feelings of my heart.
I am asking you to pray for me. Pray that I not fall back into SHAME, walking and hiding in the darkness of despair. I know that is where Satan would like to keep me. I tend to shut down, not read my email. My phone battery dies, and I plug it in, but I don’t turn it on. FB posts go unseen, messages unanswered, as I steadily build my walls up blocking out the light (GOD’s TRUTH), listening only to the thoughts that Satan continually supplies me with. “You will never finish anything..,” “Boy, they really made a mistake asking you to contribute to this blog.” “Don’t they know the real you?” It doesn’t take long for this “chatter” to fill my mind, and I start believing it. I begin to doubt myself, and when I am alone with these thoughts, it’s easy to convince myself they are true. Behind the walls I have built, the light (God’s promises, His faithfulness, Jesus’s sacrifice for me) is blocked out .I am broken, weak, afraid to even reach for His hand. He is patiently waiting, and I am unable to even raise my face. I am dwelling in SHAME.
THIS IS NOT WHERE I BELONG, or WHERE I WANT TO LIVE.
I know Jesus not only died for my sins, but when He sacrificed His life for me, He broke the bondage of shame. Romans 10 V 11: “The Scripture says, No man who believes in Him [who adheres to, relies on, and trusts in Him] will [ever] be put to shame OR be disappointed.” (AMP)
So..this it it for me..for this morning, at least. I feel so much better.
I look forward to your comments..(hello??)
See you on the flip side..