My life is but a weaving between the Lord and me!

A Sinner’s Confession

social_media_truth“I am a sinner, and I have cheated in (almost) every relationship I have been in.”

“Can one go upon hot coals and his/her feet not be burned? (29) So he/she who cohabits with his/her neighbor’s wife/husband [will be tortured with evil consequences and just retribution]; he/she who touches her/him shall not be innocent or go unpunished.” 

~Proverbs 6:28-29 *author added emphasis on gender

So..why am I confessing this? Well, I woke up at 0400, and for the last 2 hours and 36 minutes have fought to go back to sleep. But, the Holy Spirit was nudging me, and I finally gave in. I know this confession will likely lead to a flood of comments, but I have faith that God will use this post for good.

Cheating, IMO, is a symptom of a much larger problem. My inability to stay faithful to the commitment of the relationship(s) I was in was NOT about them-it was about me. The TRUTH of the matter is that before I became a Christian, ( I mean a “Walk the Walk” not just a “Talk the Talk” kind), I had little to no self respect or self love. If I could not respect/love myself, how could I respect/love someone else? How could I show someone I cared about something I did not feel for myself?

Like many people who cheat, I tried to convince myself what I was doing was okay. I used the “He doesn’t respect/love/cherish/etc”..excuse. I would start an argument to justify my position. I would find any fault, no matter how small, and blow it way out of proportion, to justify my wanderings. It made looking in the mirror each morning something I dreaded. I couldn’t look myself in the eyes. I felt shame, because deep down, I knew I was a really bad/terrible/unsavory/despicable/person.

Then I received Christ, and He loved me. ME!! He accepted me as I was and loved me.

He FORGAVE me!

That changed my heart.

Some people say “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” or “A leopard can’t change it’s spots.”

Really?

Try telling GOD that! 

In 1 Samuel, chapter 10, God gave Saul a new heart. Yep! If He can do it for Saul, who is to say He didn’t do it for me?

In the 2 relationships since I have been a believer/follower/servant, I did not cheat. Why? Because I am a new person in Christ. He loves me, I love me. Yes, I am still a sinner, but THAT sin..THAT sin..no more.  First, I have too much respect for myself to cheat. Second, I have to much respect for the man I was with to cheat. Why? I respect the commitment I had made to him. (Yes, same man, 2 different times!!) I loved him, and in many ways, still do.

The LORD helped me love myself, and forgive myself too.

Wow. It was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. Carrying around “shame” is exhausting.

I am rid of it. I can look myself in the mirror now without the fear of shame.

If I am asked in a (hopeful) future relationship, if I have ever cheated, I will be honest and say “Yes.” I am hoping the man the Lord brings me will understand that I have faced my fears, faced my faults, taken responsibility and changed.

The Lord changed my heart.

I am Blessed!

For His Glory,

Nicolette

 

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Comments on: "A Sinner’s Confession" (10)

  1. Godhasnolimit said:

    All have sin, not one sin is better or worse than the other. Jesus loves us and that is so much bigger than us! Nicole you are so special to share such a personal experience, We are so bless to have you in our lives!

    • Nicolette said:

      Thank you for your kind words. I think we ALL are continualy blessing each other by writing what is on our hearts.

  2. Friend of my heart:
    I do not say these words lightly to you. I know your journey, as we share a common thread of transformation- a new creation in our Lord. I raise my hands in praise for the “Grace” things He has done and continues to perform in and through our lives.

    Quote: “The meaning, the value, the truth of life can be learned only by an actual performance of it’s duties, and truth can be learned and the soul saved in no other way.” ~T.T. Munger

    We need to live life, yes, we all will have missteps along the way, it is our human nature…sin nature. But through these lessons, life will lend it’s truth- that all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God [Rom.3:23] There in lies our salvation for the soul….Christ Jesus. Who alone was the only Perfect and Righteous in the eye of our Father God. You example the value of a transparent heart before our Lord. You are my sister for eternity…what a Joy to my heart when I think about that!!

    Bless you sweet~T
    ~Zoey

  3. Consider the past tenses of 1 Cor 6:9-10, “And such ‘were’ some of you” (fornicators, idolaters, homosexuals, sodomites, thieves, covetous, drunkards, revilers, extortioners,);and 1 Cor 6:11, “but you were washed, sanctified, justified, in the Name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” Please look at my posts, 122813 & 011514 which deal with lifestyle changes and the born again experience. Many blessings to you, my Sister in Christ.
    Senior Pastor/Equipping The Saints
    http://gravatar.com/cchurchchurchblog
    http://cchurchchurchblog.wordpress.com/
    Philippians 3:10, “That I might know Him.

  4. This post is transparent. Bold and humble. Just like Christ. I am proud of you! Well done.

    • Nicolette said:

      Thank you so much for your thoughts on my post. This public confession was not something had planned, but the Lord asked me to. How could I say no? I must be obedient and trust in His plan.
      Again, thank you for your kind words. I have expected backlash that I have not received. Praise Him!
      Nicolette

  5. jennisahagun said:

    Dearest Nicolette, You are looking just like your Lord. I love what I see in you. Change is beautiful in you. I love you, my friend. ❤

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