Let me start off saying that impatience has been my normal response for most of my life and often still is. As I read this chapter I began to examine the places I see it operating. I asked the Lord to show me…..what I saw was startling to me. He showed me it in my parenting and in my thoughts about myself but mainly, it is in my relationship with my husband. I struggle with patience with the one I love the most.
I am a quick, efficient person. I speak and think directly and quickly. My beloved does not. He was born in a different country where life’s pace is very much relaxed and discussion is long detail stories. Oh how my patience is tried……..or rather my idea of who my husband should be and act is tested. The truth is, I think more highly of my way of doing and being than I do of my husband. I have allowed my own understanding of how my husband should be, be more important than who he really is and how I know God is.
Colossians 3:12 (AMP)
12 Clothe yourselves therefore, as God’s own chosen ones (His own picked representatives), [who are] purified and holy and well-beloved [by God Himself, by putting on behavior marked by] tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly opinion of yourselves, gentle ways, [and] patience [which is tireless and long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper].
This is God’s answer……I have been wearing designer Jenni( a God knock off) and not His clothes. It is my job to know what I am wearing and what I am supposed to be wearing. This week I repent for wearing impatience and pride. God’s plan for me is to be clothed as His chosen one for my beloved husband and everyone else that I am impatient with. I am God’s well beloved one. Because I feel His cherishment, my behavior is changed( it is always about His ability and power and not mine). I become tenderhearted, full of mercy and kindness. I know who God says I am and I agree with Him, allowing His Spirit to lead my life and not my own understanding or logic. I am gentle. I have tireless long-suffering. I have the power to endure whatever comes WITH GOOD TEMPER!
Wait…..GOOD TEMPER? What is good temper? It is my emotional power controlled and dependent on the Holy Spirit. BAD TEMPER is when I choose to try and control my own emotions( which really means out of control emotional melt downs). God knew that about me, so just like everything else, He has made provision for me in this. It is called the fruit of the Spirit.
The more I invite the Lord to reign in my emotions, through allowing my mind to be renewed, the more victory I walk in. I have never seen in scriptures where Jesus was impatient. I do see many places He should have been but was not. He is my focus. He said in John 14:12-16 ” Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” One of the many works of Jesus was and is patience and endurance. He had good temper. I already shared with you my bad temper, according to me, but according to this scripture, Jesus has given me the ability to do the same things He did. So, my impatience needs to fade as my focus. Jesus needs to come into distinct focus, His patience is something He has given me the ability to operate.
The Israelites in Number’ s 21:4 faced trials and “the people became impatient (depressed, much discouraged), because of the trials of the way. After 25 years of marriage, I tend to focus on the trials of my marriage, specifically my need for speed and my husbands turtley ways. What then happens is my dissatisfaction becomes my source of attitude, instead of all the many wonderful and excellent things my husband is. I heard the Lord say to me as I read this chapter “Whatever your focus is on becomes your source or measure of standard. Anything other then God is imperfect and will lead to crooked and skewed results.” My heart is to love my husband with excellence, not crooked and skewed ways(impatience and pride).
Hebrews 10:36 For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised.
This scripture tells us that without patience and endurance we will not receive the promises of God. And Hebrews 6:12 tells us that it is only through faith and patience that we inherit the promises.
The proud man runs in the strength of his own flesh and tries to make things happen in his own timing. Pride says, “I ‘m ready now!” Humility says, “God knows best, and He will not be late!”
A humble man waits patiently; he actually has a reverential fear of moving the strength of his own flesh, but a proud man tries one thing after another, all too no avail.
Jenni’s way has not worked. It has produced hurt feelings and hardened hearts. I am ready to let the Lord lead in this. One of the covenant names of God is “I AM.” When I look at the word “impatient” I see “I’M PATIENT.” It represents me trying to do it in my own power or with a little bit of “I AM and a lot of me. I can’t! I know because I have tried and tried. But when I allow God His rightful place….it becomes “I AM PATIENT. As I allow the great “I AM” to rule in my emotions and thoughts, it opens the path for me to not only do the things Jesus did but greater things as well. He will give me the power to patiently endure to perform and fully complete His will concerning being the wife of my Gabriel.
I ask you to help me humble my heart. Help me to choose You by focusing on what You are and what You have graced me with instead of what I am not and how I have failed. I ask you to reign in my emotions and thoughts. Help me not to just know it in my head but to practice it in everyday moments. By faith I just activate the fruit of Your Holy Spirit by practicing it with my husband. Gabriel is the perfect fit for me, because you designed him so(turtley ways and all). In Jesus Name, Amen.