“I am a sinner, and I have cheated in (almost) every relationship I have been in.”
“Can one go upon hot coals and his/her feet not be burned? (29) So he/she who cohabits with his/her neighbor’s wife/husband [will be tortured with evil consequences and just retribution]; he/she who touches her/him shall not be innocent or go unpunished.”
~Proverbs 6:28-29 *author added emphasis on gender
So..why am I confessing this? Well, I woke up at 0400, and for the last 2 hours and 36 minutes have fought to go back to sleep. But, the Holy Spirit was nudging me, and I finally gave in. I know this confession will likely lead to a flood of comments, but I have faith that God will use this post for good.
Cheating, IMO, is a symptom of a much larger problem. My inability to stay faithful to the commitment of the relationship(s) I was in was NOT about them-it was about me. The TRUTH of the matter is that before I became a Christian, ( I mean a “Walk the Walk” not just a “Talk the Talk” kind), I had little to no self respect or self love. If I could not respect/love myself, how could I respect/love someone else? How could I show someone I cared about something I did not feel for myself?
Like many people who cheat, I tried to convince myself what I was doing was okay. I used the “He doesn’t respect/love/cherish/etc”..excuse. I would start an argument to justify my position. I would find any fault, no matter how small, and blow it way out of proportion, to justify my wanderings. It made looking in the mirror each morning something I dreaded. I couldn’t look myself in the eyes. I felt shame, because deep down, I knew I was a really bad/terrible/unsavory/despicable/person.
Then I received Christ, and He loved me. ME!! He accepted me as I was and loved me.
He FORGAVE me!
That changed my heart.
Some people say “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” or “A leopard can’t change it’s spots.”
Try telling GOD that!
In 1 Samuel, chapter 10, God gave Saul a new heart. Yep! If He can do it for Saul, who is to say He didn’t do it for me?
In the 2 relationships since I have been a believer/follower/servant, I did not cheat. Why? Because I am a new person in Christ. He loves me, I love me. Yes, I am still a sinner, but THAT sin..THAT sin..no more. First, I have too much respect for myself to cheat. Second, I have to much respect for the man I was with to cheat. Why? I respect the commitment I had made to him. (Yes, same man, 2 different times!!) I loved him, and in many ways, still do.
The LORD helped me love myself, and forgive myself too.
Wow. It was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. Carrying around “shame” is exhausting.
I am rid of it. I can look myself in the mirror now without the fear of shame.
If I am asked in a (hopeful) future relationship, if I have ever cheated, I will be honest and say “Yes.” I am hoping the man the Lord brings me will understand that I have faced my fears, faced my faults, taken responsibility and changed.
The Lord changed my heart.
I am Blessed!
For His Glory,