The Jesus crucifixion process
Step four: The power of total surrender
50 And Jesus cried again with a loud voice and gave up His spirit.
Fourth, Jesus cried out with a loud voice, so intense was this moment that passion, agony, pain poured out of Him in a loud way. He let it all out. He held nothing back. His surrender was painful and hard.
Translation: My weakness is surrender. I want to surrender but the pain of it is so great. I try to hold it down, to keep it hidden. All is well with me, right? I pretend but it is not. The pain of this trial is great. I must learn to allow those feeling to flow to my God, allowing Him to be Lord of my emotions. It is only in giving up my inner self to Him that the agony is relieved. I have found that nothing else comforts me. The cost of carrying that pain is constant stress that depletes my soul and robs my body.
As I am learning how to let God operate in this weakness, I am discovering a deception. I operate my life, saying that I belong to God but really not relinquishing any control. I cannot surrender on my own. I need Him to help me. My hands are super glued to the helm of my heart and I am stuck except for His supernatural power that comes in and gives me a new heart that frees me to flow in His purpose. He helps me want to give up control and trust Him. He helps me let go and He helps me to hang on. In this weakness, I am learning the capability I have for faith, for my faith is not dependent on me but on Him. He has given me the measure of faith but I have to seek the Holy Spirit’s activation and energizing of it.
Jesus gave up all that He was in that cry. He held nothing back. He knew how to express emotions. He surrender through the pain, not to the pain. I am learning. I am learning to yield to God as I emote. I release myself, in my moment of pain, I yield to my God. Yielding is when I pause to allow the Holy Spirit to lead, to show me what is next and how to proceed. I release control of myself, I entrust myself to Him.
WOW! As I write this I realize how far away I am from how Jesus dealt with pain. Pain and I are arch enemies. Some people hide from pain, I fight it. Physical pain, emotional pain, both are my set adversaries. When I feel pain I attack, I don’t run away. I want to face it, conquer it and get it over. This method depends on me for strength and is weirdly effectively ineffective. It is effective because it gives the illusion that I have control. I know the right medicines, the right words and how to pray. All good things, but only great things when led by the Lord. It is highly ineffective because I don’t have control. Those actions look to my power to heal myself, solve the problem and takes my attention from my God. My pattern of action when in pain is to think all about me and fix it. However, I am learning. Jesus released to God, so can I. I will learn this new way of trusting God. He is teaching me and will help me to practice it. When pain shows up, I set my heart to pause, to yield to my God, trusting Him to show me the next steps, the right medicines, His perfect plan. I trust Him to teach me how to surrender. This is the reality of allowing myself to be crucified with Christ . This is what it looks like in my life. This is the new life I am living, a life of faith based on His great love for me. Faith that He is leading me and guiding me in ALL THINGS, even this weakness.
The Message (MSG)
19-21 What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn’t work. So I quit being a “law man” so that I could be God’s man. Christ’s life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.